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REPORT ABUSE

If you have had an abusive relationship with your guru or any of his yogateachers, please don't hesitate. Report abuse.

He might have threatenned you with a terrible karma that is going to strike you, but irrevocably this bad karma will strike him in the first place, and all the people who cooperate with him in his misdoings.

Don't hesitate, speak out. Your words might save lives of many girls and women, alleviate their sorrows or protect those who could get caught in his aluring charms.

Respect your own feelings. If your body tells you, something is very wrong, then it is wrong!















Guru-disciple is a relationship of infinite trust, devotion and love, similar to a relation between parent and child. The amount of hurt that comes from sexual abuse, the emotional pain and psychological defect is the same as in 'regular' incest.
Abused devotees needed years to get their confidence back and to gain the courage to speak out. But first testimonies are here and as a domino efect there are more to come. Even devotees that spent almost 30 years with 'Swamiji' are becoming aware of the unpleasant truth.
We are not against YOGA, we are FOR the truth and love and Yoga.





28.3. Letter from Australian ex devotees

27.3.  Statement from Roman Peterka - Ex  Swami Rameshwarananda                          Alexandria, VA, USA
24.3. Two Serbian disciples witnessing the flow of events in (now ex)                             Serbian YIDL (read more in the EX YIDL STATEMENTS)

23.3. Czech translation of Chidanands letter added

22.3. Koper disciples group statement (signed!)
          check EX YIDL ORG STATEMENTS in the menu

22.3. Isvar Puri (ex)  testimony added


21.3. New written testimony  aded; "devotee 4", authentic 4th testimony of abused disciple. audio soon.


16.3.2011.

 WE HAVE RECEIVED SWAMI CHIDANAND OFFICAL STATEMENT 
 follow the pen (l)ink


10.3.2011. 
we have received an email comment on our NEWS statement from 9.3.2011:

"Swamiji did answer the question if he had sex with women:
"Yes, I did, I was wrong, but I do not want to talk about that, it is an open wound for me".  
It was on March 2nd (approximately) in Wien, before his flight for USA.
People who asked the question confirmed positive answer to many Swamiji's disciples.

We knew allready for this information but we thought it was said in private, to only one person, not in public. Now we know it was witnessed in front of a large gorup of devotess (probably from Serbia)
We are waiting for further inf. from mail conversation with the sender. 
 

9.3.2011.
"Swamiji" has sent a letter to his disciples, pretending to be a victim of our conspiracy. Yet he still avoids to  give a simple -yes or no -answer, to a simple question- did he have sex with his devotees or not.


1.3.2011.
Slobodan Miličević - Čići, the head of the (now) ex-YIDL  of Serbia ( ex Yugoslavia )
has left the organisation.
YIDL of Serbia no more exists!

It had nothing to do with appearing of this website! it is a pure coincidence that our site and čićis act happened at the same time.He has nothing to do with this site- he just supported us- he was not aware of those abuses nor his reason to leave was our site.


























CHIDANANDS LETTER: ENG/SERBOCRO
1
Dear friends,
You have probably heard that I left swami Maheshwarananda and quit all my activities in Yidl.
For many years, especially after Holy Guruji’s Mahasamadi, I was not able to close my ears and
eyes looking at increasing growth of arrogance, manipulation, vanity and greed in my guru. That
was most visible behind the scene. Day by day, I have realized that he is more and more far from
simplicity and purity of Sri Mahaprabhuji and Holy Guruji. They become just perfect iconography
for his increasing transformation from Yogi Raj into classical Indian Maharaj. Such transformation
is not something new on our planet. The answer how that happens to great yogis and gurus you
could find in the ancient yogic book Lila, published by Harish Johari (read 55th square). Yidl
became less and less yoga and more and more personality cult. There was less and less freedom,
joy, unity, light of self and more uniforms, regulations, fear, competition, commercialism and guilt.
Sadana was respected only if it was bhakti, bhakti was good only if it became seva and seva was
good only if it was life long.
For years, many of our yoga practitioners, yoga teachers and organizers used to express to me their
concern about Maheshwarananda’s behavior and direction in which Yidl was going. I did my best
to keep them in Yidl for what they blame me today. I was very close to get out of it in February
2007 during and after Kumbha mela, and some of my friends were familiar with that. But then, my
wife, Yoganand, was dying from cancer and I suppressed that intention in myself. After her
departure, I continued my seva somehow, because of the feeling that my withdrawing from
Maheshwarananda may harm also the image of Sri Mahaprabhuji and Holy Guruji. Finally, in
Kumbha mela 2010, I was witnessing how the layers of make up from Maheshwarananda’s saintly
face fall down one by another. I have realized that there is no any presence of Sri Mahaprabhuji and
Holy Guruji in him anymore. I shared my opinion with some of very close Swamiji’s disciples and
some of them told me that they know even 300% more and worse facst. They should really ask
themselves why are they still with such person.
After break of 20 years, Maheshwarananda came to Serbia in November 2010 and I decided that
that will be my final seva and gratitude for good things which happened to me in 29 years dedicated
to Yidl. I did not go to India this winter and in February 2011 I did not come to seminars in Vep and
Strilky. It was obvious that I am not anymore a part of the game. That was an inspiration for some
other disciples to step forward and to speak about troubles they faced by abusive sexual behavior of
Maheshwarananda. That was an unexpected shock for most of us. I spoke with some victims whom
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I knew very well and I am sure they are telling the truth. Than, I declared publically that I am out of
Yidl. For weeks, Maheshwarananda was pressing me to come to him to talk. But I knew how dark
is his abusive and manipulative character and there was no any sense to have any discussion. Time
has come and his karmas are coming on his head. So simple.
Personally, I knew about some allegations of sexual abuse of female disciples. That happened in
Novi Sad, Serbia in 1982, when I was 3 months disciple. Unfortunately, Maheshwarananda easily
denied their confused and fearful statements in their presence without further discussion (we cannot
compare them to the terrifying testimonies of a victims we can read and hear today:
http://www.swamiji-maheshwarananda-abuse.com/). Most of disciples who were there including
me (as it is the situation of some disciples today) chose to believe to our guru and not to tears, fears
and humiliation of the victims.
After that, Yoganad and me were not aware of continuous sexual abuse done by Maheswarananda
in Vienna, Slovenia, Croatia, Czeh Republic, Hungary, Jadan and all other places where he had
seminars. On contrary, in our innocence we brought to him our children and grand child. Proudly,
we thought Yidl to thousands of practitioners and inspired them to become Maheshwarananda’s
disciples. Even in a dream we could not imagine that after mantra diksha some of the girls could be
shamelessly used as food for abusive sexual appetite of our guru. Can we imagine Sri Mahaprabhuji
or Sri Madavanandaji using their rooms as a trap for female bhaktas? Sri Mahaprabhuji even did not
have a door to block a view into his small room. But now I understand why Maheshwarananda has
three doors before you can even see his apartment and why does he build a secret exits from his,
several hundred square meters big, apartment in Om ashram, Jadan. Most of gurus who are
persecuted for sexual abuse of their bhaktas had such back doors and hidden stairs.
These days, many disciples open their mouth and they speak to others what happened to them
personally or what they knew that happened to someone else. In last two weeks, I was also
informed on many names of the victims, and names of those who knew about abuse and those ones
who organized or covered such events. But I also heard about women who had sex with
Maheswarananda willingly. With deep pain and disgust I have realized that, behind the scene, Yidl
seminars were porno movie with victims and volunteers. Now it becomes clear why
Maheshwarananda is hysterically commanding his disciples to behave like three monkeys and: not
to see, not to listen and especially not to speak! That is really good for monkeys, but human should
look and see, human should listen and hear, human should speak the truth, at least about abuse of
innocent people.
3
All victims are talking about their shock, fear, confusion and terror they experienced when they
realized that “midnight call” to visit their saintly guru turned into a sexual trap. Some of them were
told that they are chosen to go through shakti pat or some special kripa. Why yoga teachers were
not told that ladies whom they lead to discipleship may be blessed by special “prashad” directed
into their mouths? And what is the taste of Maheswarananda’s prashad in our collective mouth
now?
I am aware that our brains are very much willing to reject all these sad facts. Unfortunately I
experienced similar process in 1982. although those testemonies were more mild. Most of us have
to go through automatic initial denial even of idea that it can be true. We all feel that our personal
world will collapse if that is a truth. Many of Maheshwarananda’s disciples are in muladhar chakra
now, desperately trying to survive and to escape this brutal awakening. Our subscousness is playing
many games to save our ideal, our dream and spiritual hope. Whatever you feel now, just do not
attack victims and those who want to help them because very soon you will also understand the
reality. Do you dare at all to speak with them freely and openly as a human, as a yogi? Or you chose
to be a monkey who blindly follows the commands? Those days will show the character of each of
us to ourselves and to the others.
Some disciples take care more about what they can personally lose – financially, socially and
spiritually than about the truth. If you spit on few innocent victims and on those who defend them,
that will not change the brutal reality that evil was done and that it was done many times. How will
you to look into the mirror and into the eyes of victims than? How will you face your relatives,
friends, practitioners and public if you do not quickly dissociate yourself and your ashrams from the
rapist.
The time has come, Param Para is not behind Maheshwarananda. Do not be afraid of him. He is in
fear, because he knows his karmas. He already removed his program schedule from internet. He
imagined that he is a God to whom everything was allowed. Now he is aware that he is nothing of
that. Very soon he will have to face that what is Mahaprabhu Dip and I don’t wish anybody to be in
his shoes.
My brothers and sisters, there is no any real drama in all this collapse of Maheshwarananda.
Nothing what is real has died. God did not die. Your Atma did not die. Yoga did not die. Your
spiritual dreams should not die because one more guru lost a control of his desires, misused his
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power, position and trust of spiritual seekers. Your mantra is pure. It is not made by
Maheshwarananda, it is not his ownership. It is pure Vedantic way to our Param Para which is
spotless. Sri Devpuriji, Sri Mahaprabhuji and Sri Madhavanandaji will not turn their divine face
from you if you love them with pure heart. Through them or through your deep longing for
freedom, purity, peace, completeness or oneness, pranayams, meditation and mantra will
undoubtedly lead you to Self-realization. Freedom cannot be given it could be only achieved.
This is my final statement. Now it is all on our characters and on our karmas.
Chidanand
For your information:
Tihomir Pesikan (Turiyanand) president of YIDL Ashram in Salzburg and Vice President of
Fellowship resigned on 10th February and on 9th March, 2011
Aleksandra Vujic (Sangita) stopped all activities for the promotion of YIDL at the United
Nations and as a national delegate for Serbia (7th March, 2011)
“YIDL” Novi Sad stopped and quitted all activities by the Assembly Decision, on 11st March
2011, (president- Svetozar Backovic, [email protected])
“YIDL” Belgrade stopped and quitted all activities by the Assembly Decision, on 12nd March
2011, (president - Zoran Vukicevic, [email protected])
“YIDL” Kikinda stopped and quitted all activities by the Assembly Decision, on 13th March
2011 (president - Zoran Lazović, [email protected])
“YIDL” Sombor stopped and quitted all activities by the Assembly Decision, on 14th March
2011 (president - Miroslav Vidojević [email protected])



1
Draga prijatelji,
Verovatno ste čuli da sam napustio svami Mahešvaranandu i prestao sa svim aktivnostima u Jusž.
Tokom poslednjih godina, a posebno posle Holi Guruđijevog mahasamadija, više nisam bio u stanju
da ne čujem i da ne vidim rast arogancije, manipulacije, sujete i pohlepe u svome guruu. To je bilo
najvidljivije iza scene. Iz dana u dan sve sam više uviđao da je on sve dalji i dalji od jednostavnosti
i čistote Sri Mahaprapuđija i Holi Guruđija. Oni su postajali samo savršena ikonografija za njegovu
rastuću transformaciju iz jogiradža u klasicnog indijskog maharadžu. Takva transformacija nije
ništa novo na našoj planeti. Odgovor kako se to događa velikim jogijima i guruima možete naći u
drevnoj joginskoj knjizi „Lila„ od Hariš Joharija (pročitati 55-to polje ). Jusž je postajala sve manje
joga, a sve više kult ličnosti. Bilo je sve manje istinske sadane, slobode, radosti, jedinstva i svetlosti
Jastva, a sve više uniformi, pravila, straha, nadmetanja, komercijalizacije i krivice. Sadana je
vrednovana samo ako je bila bakti, bakti je bila dobra samo ako je postajala seva, a seva je bila
dobra samo ako je doživotna.
Godinama su mi brojni instruktori, organizatori i vežbači govorili o svojoj zabrinutosti zbog
ponašanja Mahešvaranande i zbog pravca ka kom se Jusž kreće. Ja sam ih tada najdobronamernije
nagovarao da ostanu u sistemu. Neki od njih mi danas kažu da su zažalili što su me poslušali.
Tokom i posle Kumba mele u februaru 2007. bio sam veoma blizu da napustim Jusž, što je
poznato užem krugu mojih prijatelja. Ali, u to vreme je moja supruga Joganand umirala od raka i
ja sam svoju nameru potisnuo u sebi. Nakon njenog odlaska nekako sam nastavio sevu zbog osećaja
de će moje napuštanje Mahešvaranande ugroziti i sliku o Sri Mahaprabuđiju i Sri Madavanadađiju.
Konačno, na Kumba meli 2010. godine, tri meseca sam bio svedok kako je sa Mahešvaranandinog
svetačkog lica otpadao sloj po sloj šminke. Shvatio sam da u njemu više nema prisustva Sri
Mahaprabuđija ni Guruđija. To mišljenje sam podelio sa nekoliko učenika bliskih Mahešvaranandi,
a neki od njih su mi rekli da oni to znaju ali i 300% više i 300% gore. Takvih učenika nije malo, ali
oni retko pitaju sebe a zašto su i dalje sa takvom osobom.
Nakon pauze od 20 godina Mahešvarananda je došao u Srbiju u novembru 2010. godine, a ja sam
odlučio da će ta poseta biti moja poslednja seva kao zahvalnost za ono dobro što mi se dogodilo za
29 godina posvećenih Jusž. Posle toga nisam otišao u uobičajenu zimsku posetu Indiji niti sam u
februaru 2011. prisustvovao seminarima u Vepu i Strilkiju. Bilo je očito da više nisam deo igre. To
je inspirisalo neke učenice da progovore o nevoljama sa kojima su se suočile zbog nasilničkog
seksualnog ponašanja Mahešvaranande. To je za većinu nas bio neočekivani šok. Porazgovarao sam
sa nekima od žrtava koje dobro poznajem i bio sam potpuno siguran da govore istinu. Potom sam
2
javno objavio da sam napustio Jusž. Mahešvaranada me je nedeljama pritiskao da dođem da
razgovaramo. Pošto mi je bilo jasno koliko je mračan njegov nasilnički i manipulativni karakter,
nije bilo nikakvog smisla upuštati se u diskusije. Vreme je došlo i njegove karme se spuštaju na
njegovu glavu. Jednostavno je tako.
Ja sam lično znao od ranije za optužbe o seksualnom zlostavljanju nekih učenica. To se dogodilo u
Novom Sadu, u Srbiji, 1982. godine kada sam bio 3 meseca učenik. Nažalost, tada je
Mahešvarananda, u njihovom prisustvu, lako porekao njihove konfuzne i uplašene izjave. I to je bio
kraj rasprave. Njihove izjave se ne mogu porediti sa užasom kroz koje su prošle žrtve čije izjave
čitamo i slušamo danas: http://www.swamiji-maheshwarananda-abuse.com/. Većina učenika koji su
bili tada prisutni u Novom Sadu, uključujući i mene izabrala je da veruje svom guruu, a ne suzama,
strahu i poniženju žrtava. Slično je i sa brojnim učenicima u ovome što se trenutno događa.
Nakon toga, Joganand i nismo bili svesni kontinuiranog seksualnog zlostavljanja koje je
Mahešvarananda sprovodio u Beču, Sloveniji, Hrvatskoj, Češkoj, Mađarskoj, Đadanu i drugim
mestima u kojima je imao seminare. U svom neznanju i nevinosti mi smo mu dovodili svoju decu, a
nedavno i unuku. Sa ponosom smo podučavali Jusž hiljade vežbača i inspirisali ih da postanu
Mahešvaranandini učenici. Ni u snu nismo mogli zamisliti da će nakon mantra dikše neke devojke
biti besramno korišćene kao hrana za nasilne seksualne apetite našeg gurua. Možete li zamisliti Sri
Mahaprabuđija ili Guruđija kako svoje sobe koriste kao seksualne zamke za svoje ženske učenike?
Sri Mahaprabuđi na svojoj sobi nije imao ni vrata koja bi zakrilila pogled na njega. Međutim, sada
razumem zašto Mahešvarananda ima po troje vrata pre nego što možete i videti njegov apartman.
Potpuno je jasno zašto u svom novom stanu od nekoliko stotina kvadratnih metara u Om ašramu
gradi tajne izlaze sa svakog sprata.
Ovih su dana mnogi učenici progovorili o tome šta se desilo njima lično ili o tome što znaju da se
desilo nekom drugom. Poslednjih petnaestak dana do mene su stizala nova imena žrtava, imena
onih koji su za to znali, kao i imena onih koji su organizovali ili skrivali takve događaje. Takođe
sam čuo i za žene koje su svojom voljom spavale sa Mahešvaranandom. Sa bolom i gađenjem sam
shvatio da su seminari Jusž, iza scene bili porno film sa žrtvama i dobrovoljcima. Sada postaje
jasno zašto Mahešvarananda tako histerično komanduje svojim učenicima da se ponašaju poput ona
tri majmuna koji ne gledaju, ne slušaju i naročito – ne govore! To je za majmune prava stvar, ali za
ljude, a naročito za jogije, je da gledaju i vide, da slušaju i čuju, da govore - bar o nasilju nad
nevinima.
3
Sve žrtve govore o šoku, strahu , konfuziji i užasu koje su iskusile kada su shvatile da se „ponoćni
poziv“ da posete svog svetog gurua pretvorio u seksualnu zamku. Nekima od njih je rečeno da su
one izabrane da prođu šakti pat i da je to posebna milost. Zbog čega joga instruktorima nije rečeno
da će žene i devojke koje postanu učenice možda biti blagoslovljene posebnim „prašadom“ pravo u
usta, čak i kada to sa gađenjem odbijaju. I kakav je sada ukus Mahešvaranandinog prašada u
ustima svih nas?
Svestan sam da su sada naši mozgovi veoma voljni da odbace zastrašujuće činjenice. Nažalost, to
sam i sam iskusio 1982 godine iako su tada svedočanstva žrtava bila neuporedivo blaža. Mnogi će
među nama proći kroz automatsko odbijanje i same pomisli da to može biti istina. Svi osećamo da
takva istina može srušiti naše živote. Mnogi učenici su sada u muladara čakri i očajnički
pokušavajući da prežive i spasu se ovog brutalnog buđenja. Naša podsvest igra sve moguće igre da
bi spasla i očuvala naš ideal, naš san i duhovnu nadu. Kako god da se osećate, samo ne napadajte
žrtve i one koji se usuđuju da im pomognu, jer će uskoro sve biti jasno. Da li se uopšte usuđujete da
slobodno i ljudski porazgovarate sa njima ili ste odabrali da budete majmun koji radi što mu je
naloženo? Ovi dani pokazuju naš karakter i ljudskost, kako nama samima tako i svima oko nas.
Mnogi učenici sada više vode računa o tome šta lično mogu izgubiti, finansijski, društveno i
duhovno, nego šta je istina. Ali, ako popljujete par žrtava i one koji se bore za njih nećete promeniti
surovu istinu da je zlo učinjeno i to mnogo puta. Kako ćete se sutra pogledati u ogledalo i u oči
unesrećenih? Kako ćete prekosutra pred svoje rođake, prijatelje, vežbače i javnost, ako se sada ne
distancirate od silovatelja.
Vreme je došlo, Param Para nije uz Mahešvaranandu. Nemojte ga se plašiti. On je taj koji se plaši,
jer zna svoje karme. Već je sakrio sa interneta raspored svojih seminara. Umislio je da je Bog kome
je sve dopušteno, a sada vidi da se preračunao. Uskoro će morati stati pred lice onoga što je
Mahaprabuđi, a ja ne želim nikome da tada bude u njegovoj koži.
Prijatelji, u ovom kolapsu Mahešvaranande nema nikakve posebne drame. Nije umrlo ništa što je
istinsko. Bog nije umro. Vaša Atma nije umrla. Joga nije umrla. Vaši duhovni snovi ne smeju
umreti zato što je još jedan guru izgubio kontrolu nad sobom, zloupotrebio svoje moći, položaj i
poverenje duhovnih tragalaca. Vaša je mantra čista. Nije je izmislio Mahešvarananda niti je ona
njegova svojina. Vaša je mantra čist Vedanta put ka našoj Param Para koja je bez mrlja. Sri
Devpuriđi, Sri Mahaprabuđi i Sri Madavanandađi neće od vas okrenuti svoje božansko lice ako ih
volite čistim srcem. Kroz njih ili kroz vašu duboku čežnju za slobodom, istinom, čistotom, mirom,
4
celovitošću ili jednotom vaša pranajama, meditacija i mantra će vas bez ikakve sumnje dovesti do
Samospoznaje. Sloboda se nikada nije dobijala ona se uvek osvajala.
Ovo je moja konačna izjava. Sada je sve na našem karakteru i na našim karmama.
Ćidanand
Za vašu informaciju:
Tihomir Pešikan (Turiyanand) predsednik Jusž u Salzburgu i potpredsednik Fellowshipa, dao je
ostavku na te funkcije 10. februara i 9. marta 2011. godine.
Aleksandra Vujić (Sangita) je 7. marta 2011. godine obustavila sve aktivnosti u Ujedinjenim
nacijama posvećenim promociji Jusž, kao i aktivnosti koje je oavljala kao nacionalni delegat Jusž u
Srbiji.
Udruženje Jusž Novi Sad je Odlukom Skupštine, 11. marta 2011. godine istupilo iz Joge u
svakodnevnom životu (predsednik – Backović Svetozar, [email protected])
Udruženje Jusž Beograd je Odlukom Skupštine, 12. marta 2011. godine istupilo iz Joge u
svakodnevnom životu (predsednik – Zoran Vukičević [email protected])
Udruženje Jusž Kikinda je Odlukom Skupštine, 13. marta 2011. godine istupilo iz Joge u
svakodnevnom životu (predsednik – Zoran Lazović, [email protected])
Udruženje Jusž Sombor je Odlukom Skupštine, 14. marta 2011. godine istupilo iz Joge u
svakodnevnom životu (predsednik – Miroslav Vidojević [email protected])





Liebe Freunde,
Ihr habt wahrscheinlich gehört, daß ich Swami Maheshwarananda verlassen habe und
alle meine Tätigkeiten für YIDL eingestellt habe.
Seit vielen Jahren, insbesonders nach Holy Guruji's Mahasamadhi, war ich nicht mehr
in der Lage, meine Ohren und Augen vor der zunehmenden Arroganz, Eitelkeit, Gier
und Mainpulation meines Gurus zu verschliessen. Hinter den Kulissen war es nicht
mehr zu verkennen. Von Tag zu Tag erkannte ich mehr und mehr, wie er sich weiter
und weiter von der Einfachheit und Reinheit der Lehren von Sri Mahaprabhuji und
Holy Guruji entfernt hatte. Sie wurden zu perfekten Ikonen für seine zunehmende
Umwandlung von "Yogi Raj" zu einem klassischen indischen "Maharaj".Eine solche
Veränderung ist nichts Neues auf unserer Welt. Die Antwort darauf, wie das mit
großen Yogis und Gurus überhaupt geschehen kann, könnt ihr in dem alten Yoga-
Buch "Lila", von Harish Johari nachlesen (lest Feld 55).
"Yoga im täglichen Leben" wurde zusehends immer weniger Yoga und mehr und mehr
Personenkult. Es gab immer weniger Freiheit, Freude, Einheit, Licht des Selbst
stattdessen mehr Uniformen, Verordnungen, Angst, Wettbewerb, Kommerz und
Schuld. Sadhana wurde nur geachtet wenn es Bhakti war, Bhakti war nur gut, wenn es
Seva war und Seva war nur gut, wenn es lebenslänglich war.
Seit Jahren haben mir viele unserer Yoga-Übenden, Yoga-Lehrer und Organisatoren
ihre Besorgnis über Maheshwaranandas Verhalten und ihre Sorge bezüglich der
Entwicklung von YIDL zum Ausdruck gebracht.Ich gab mein Bestes, um sie im System
zu halten, wofür sie mich heute schuldig halten.
Im Februar 2007, während und nach der Khuma Mela, war ich kurz davor
auszusteigen und einige meiner Freunde wussten davon.
Dann aber war meine Frau Yoganad, daran an Krebs zu sterben, und ich unterdrückte
diese Absicht in mir. Nach ihrem Ableben setzte ich meine Seva irgendwie fort, weil ich
das Gefühl hatte, dass mein Rückzug von Maheshwarananda auch dem Bild Sri
Mahaprabhuji's und Holy Guruji's schaden könnte.
Bei der Kumbha Mela 2010 wurde ich schliesslich Zeuge, wie die Schichten der
Fassade der Heiligkeit
von Maheshwarananda's Antlitz nacheinander zerbröckelten. Ich habe erkannt, daß es
keine Anwesenheit von Sri Mahaprabhuji und
Holy Guruji in ihm mehr gibt. Ich teilte meine Meinung einigen der ganz nahen Jünger
Swamiji's mit und einige von ihnen erzählte mir, dass sie sogar um 300% mehr und
schlimmere Tatsachen kennen.
Diese Leute sollten sich wirklich fragen, warum sind sie immer noch Umgang mit
dieser Person pflegen.
Nach einer Pause von 20 Jahren, kam Maheshwarananda im November 2010 nach
Serbien und ich beschloss, daß
das dieses, mein letztes Seva, in Dankbarkeit für die guten Dinge, die mir in 29 Jahren
durch YIDL widerfahren sind, gewidmet sein
soll. Ich bin dann nicht im Winter nach Indien gefahren und habe im Februar 2011
nicht am Seminar in Vep und Strilky teilgenommen.
Es war klar, dass ich nicht mehr an dem Spiel teilnehme. Dies war eine Inspiration für
einige andere Jünger vorzutreten und über Probleme, mit denen sie durch
missbräuchliches Sexualverhalten seitens Maheshwarananda's zu kämpfen haben, zu
sprechen.
Das war ein unerwarteter Schock für die meisten von uns. Ich sprach mit einigen
Opfern, von denen ich 2 sehr gut kenne, und ich bin überzeugt davon, dass sie die
Wahrheit sagen. Danach erklärte ich öffentlich, dass ich aus YIDL ausgetreten bin.
Wochenlang drängte mich Maheshwarananda zu ihm zu kommen, um zu reden. Aber
ich wusste, wie dunkel sein missbräuchlicher und manipulativer Charakter ist, daher
erschien mir jegliche Diskussion als sinnlos. Die Zeit ist nun gekommen und seine
Karmas fallen nun auf ihn zurück. So einfach ist das.
Mir waren einige Behauptungen über sexuellen Missbrauch von Schülerinnen in Novi
Sad, Serbien, im Jahr 1982 bekannt, da war ich gerade seit 3 Monaten Schüler. Leider
war es Maheshwarananda ein Leichtes, ihre verwirrten und ängstlichen Aussagen in
deren Gegenwart ohne weitere Diskussion zu verleugnen. (Diese können wir nicht mit
den schrecklichen Zeugnissen der Opfer von denen wir heute lesen und hören können
vergleichen: http://www.swamiji-maheshwarananda-abuse.com/ .) Die meisten der
damals anwesenden Schüler, einschließlich mir, entschied sich, unserem Guru - und
nicht den Tränen, Ängsten und an die Demütigung der Opfer zu glauben. (So wie
einige Schüler heute). Danach wurden Yoganad und mir nichts mehr über den
kontinuierlichen sexuellen Missbrauch durch Maheswarananda, geschehen in Wien,
Slowenien, Kroatien, Tschechien, Ungarn, Jadan und allen anderen Orten,
an denen er Seminare abhielt, bekannt.
Im Gegenteil, in unserer Unschuld brachten wir ihm sogar unsere Kinder und Enkel!
Stolz lehrten wir YIDL tausenden von Übenden und inspirierten sie dazu,
Maheshwarananda's Jünger zu werden. Nicht im Traum konnten wir uns vorstellen,
daß einige der Mädchen nach ihrer Mantra Diksha schamlos als Futter für den
missbräuchlichen sexuellen Appetit unsers Gurus verwendet werden würden.
Können wir uns vorstellen, daß Sri Mahaprabhuji oder Sri Madavanandaji ihre Zimmer
als Falle für weibliche Bhaktas verwendet haben? Sri Mahaprabhuji hatte nicht einmal
eine Türe, die den Blick in sein kleines Zimmer versperren würde. Aber jetzt verstehe
ich, warum Maheshwarananda drei Türen einbauen liess, die es unmöglich machen,
seine Wohnung einzusehen und warum er einen geheimen Ausgang in seiner mehrere
hundert Quadratmeter großen Wohnung, im Om Ashram, Jadan, bauen liess. Die
meisten Gurus, die des sexuellen Missbrauchs ihrer Bhaktas überführt wurden, hatten
solche Hintertüren und versteckten Treppen.
In diesen Tagen brechen viele Schüler ihr Schweigen und teilen anderen mit, was
ihnen persönlich oder jemand anders widerfahren ist. In den letzten zwei Wochen
erfuhr ich auch viele Namen der Opfer, die Namen derer, die über den
Missbrauch Bescheid wussten, als auch die Namen derer, die diese Vorfälle
organisierten und deckten.
Aber ich hörte auch von Frauen, die zu Sex mit Maheswarananda willig waren.
Mit tiefem Schmerz und Ekel habe ich erkannt, dass Swami-Seminare hinter den
Kulissen
wie ein Pornofilm mit Opfern und Freiwilligen sind.
Jetzt wird klar, warum Maheshwarananda seinen Jünger in nahezu hysterischer Art
befahl, sich wie
die drei Affen zu verhalten:
nicht zu sehen,
nicht zu hören
und vor Allem nicht zu sprechen!
Das ist wirklich gut für Affen, aber Menschen sollten schauen und sehen, Menschen
sollten zuhören und hören, Menschen sollen die Wahrheit sagen, zumindest über den
Missbrauch von unschuldigen Menschen.
Alle Opfer berichten von dem Schock, der Angst, der Verwirrung und dem Schrecken
der ihnen widerfuhr, als sie erkannten, daß der "Midnight Call", den sie erhielten, um
ihren heiligen Guru zu besuchen, zu einer Sex-Falle wurde. Einigen von ihnen wurde
gesagt, sie wären auserwählt, um "Shakti Pat" oder einige besondere Kripas zu
erhalten. Warum wurde den Yoga-Lehrern nicht gesagt, dass die Damen, die sie in die
Jüngerschaft führten, durch speziell oral verabreichtes "Prashad" gesegnet werden
könnten?
Und wie ist der Geschmack von Maheswarananda's Prashad in unseren kollektiven
Mündern jetzt?
Ich bin mir durchaus bewusst, dass unser Gehirn nur allzu bereit ist, all diese traurigen
Tatsachen abzulehnen.
Leider musste ich diesen Prozess im Jahr 1982 selbst erfahren, obwohl die Aussagen
damals milder waren.
Die meisten von uns weigern sich durch automatische Ablehnung sogar davor, die
Möglichkeit an den
Gedanken, dass es wahr sein könnte, zuzulassen.
Wir alle spüren, dass unsere persönliche Welt zusammenbricht, wenn das Wahrheit
ist.
Viele Maheshwarananda-Jünger befinden sich zur Zeit im Bewusstsein des Muladhar
Chakra,
das jetzt verzweifelt versucht, zu überleben und dem brutalen Erwachen zu
entkommen.
Unser Unterbewusstsein spielt viele Spiele, um unser Idol zu retten, unseren Traum
und unsere spirituelle Hoffnung.
Was immer du jetzt auch spüren magst, attackiere nicht die Opfer und diejenigen, die
ihnen helfen, denn
sehr bald wirst auch du die Wahrheit erkennen.
Wagst du es überhaupt mit ihnen frei und offen zu sprechen wie ein Mensch, wie ein
Yogi?
Oder ziehst du es vor, einem Affen gleich, blind Befehlen zu folgen? In den
kommenden Tagen wird sich
dein wahrer Charakter offenbaren, vor dir selbst und vor den Anderen.
Einigen Schülern ist es wichtiger, sich darum zu sorgen, was sie persönlich verlieren
könnten -
finanziell, sozial und geistig, als die Wahrheit. Indem Sie auf ein paar unschuldige
Opfer und auf diejenigen, die sie verteidigen, spucken, wird das nicht die brutale
Realität, in der Böses laufend getan wurde, ändern. Wie wirst du dich dann im Spiegel
ansehen können und in den Augen der Opfer aussehen? Wie wirst du deinen
Verwandten vors Angesicht treten, Freunden, Übenden und der Öffentlichkeit, wenn
du dich und deine Ashrams nicht schnell von dem Vergewaltiger distanzierst?
Die Zeit ist gekommen, Param Para ist nicht hinter Maheshwarananda. Hab keine
Angst vor ihm. Er lebt in Angst, denn er kennt seine Karmas. Er hat schon sein
Terminprogramm aus dem Internet entfernt. Er stellte sich vor er wäre ein Gott, dem
alles erlaubt sei. Jetzt wird er sich bewusst, dass dem nicht so ist Sehr bald wird er
sich dem zu stellen haben, was Mahaprabhu Dip ist - und ich wünsche niemanden in
seiner Haut zu stecken.
Meine Brüder und Schwestern, der Zusammenbruch des Maheshwarananda ist keine
wirkliches Drama. Nichts, was real ist, ist gestorben. Gott ist nicht gestorben. Dein
Atma ist nicht gestorben. Yoga ist nicht gestorben. Deine spirituelle Träume sollen
nicht sterben, nur weil ein weiterer Guru die Kontrolle über seine Wünsche verlor,
seine Macht, Stellung und das Vertrauen der spirituell Suchenden missbraucht hat.
Dein Mantra ist rein. Es ist nicht von Maheshwarananda gemacht, ist es nicht sein
Eigentum. Es ist reine Vedanta Weg zu unserem Param Para, makellos.
Sri Devpurijis, Sri Mahaprabhuji und Sri Madhavanandaji werden ihr göttliches Gesicht
nicht von dir abwenden wenn du sie mit reinem Herzen liebst. Durch sie oder durch
deine tiefe Sehnsucht nach Freiheit, Reinheit, Frieden, Vollständigkeit oder Einheit,
werden Pranayams, Meditation und Mantras dich zweifellos zu Selbst-Erkenntnis
führen. Freiheit kann nicht gegeben werden. sie könne nur erreicht werden.
Dies ist meine letzte Anweisung. Nun ist kommt es auf unseren Charakter und auf
unsere Karmas an.
Chidanand
Zu deiner Information:
Tihomir Pesikan (Turiyanand) Präsident von YIDL
Ashram in Salzburg und Vizepräsident des
Fellowship zurückgetreten am 10. Februar und am 9. März 2011
Aleksandra Vujic (Sangita) alle Aktivitäten zur Förderung von YIDL bei den Vereinten
Nationen und als nationale Delegierte für Serbien eingestellt (7. März 2011)
"YIDL" Novi Sad alle Tätigkeiten durch die Versammlungsentscheidung eingestellt, am
11. März
2011, (Präsident Svetozar-Backovic, [email protected])
"YIDL" Belgrad gestoppt und alle Tätigkeiten durch die Versammlungsentscheidung
eingestellt, am 12. März
2011, (Präsident - Zoran Vukicevic, [email protected])
"YIDL" Kikinda gestoppt und alle Tätigkeiten durch die Versammlungsentscheidung
eingestellt, am 13. März
2011 (Präsident - Zoran Lazovic, [email protected])
"YIDL" Sombor gestoppt und alle Tätigkeiten durch die Versammlungsentscheidung
eingestellt, am14. März
2011 (Präsident - Miroslav Vidojevic [email protected]




devotee1

I am sooo thankful to you that you opened this webpage and I am soo sorry I did not have the opportunity to have someone to talk to before.  I have been Swamijis disciple for almost 20 years and for the last 12 years I have been keeping this secret. Well, actually I told it to a few people and it was even worse than before: No-one protected me, no-one understood what happened and we all kept going to the seminars with some "spiritual" explanations about all these things...and I was always hoping that maybe this time I will understand it...
 
I want to share with you my experience, which was painful and shocking for me - a real trauma actually.
I was already 5 years Swamiji's faithful disciple, making Sadhana at 4 am every day, full of faith and Love towards him, very innocent and pure, with very high ideals. I was 14 years old when I took mantra. And I took everything very seriously. When I was 19-20 I came to Jadan ashram in India. Swamiji's master Paramhans Madhavananda was still alive and when I stepped into the ashram I ran directly to salute both him and Swamiji. I bowed down and they blessed me and saluted me very kindly. My heart was full of joy and happiness. In the evening we had Satsang and after that one girl came to me and whispered in my ear "Swamiji is calling you"...my heart jumped, I was afraid and happy at the same time. He is calling ME? What he wants from me? Wow, he is calling me! What will happen? - I always wished to be closer to him and not only to be part of a crowd.
 
The girl brought me into his apartment and left me there alone. He came and took my hand. "Come", he said and we went on the roof of the white house in Jadan. He was asking me about the travel how it was and so on, very kindly, very sweetly, all the time holding my hand and we talked and we walked: I was feeling so happy and so close to him... for me he was more than mother, father, any friend, he was my everything! We climbed into the cupola of a white house and there he had a wooden bed. The room was dark. Only one candle flame was burning...he sat on his bed and I set by his feet. He said "Come here", and he hugged me. Then he said: "Look into my eyes", and I looked and tried to fall into his eyes. It took a few minutes, he was smiling and I was trying to melt with him. All the background of theory and brainwashing of who he is was popping out of my mind. But in this moment the other girl came from somewhere. The intimate feeling was disturbed. She sat at his feet and I was still only a few centimeters away from his face, staring into his eyes, feeling a little discomfort by her presence. Then he asked me: "What do you give me?" and smiled... after a few seconds of thinking I answered: "I give you my mind." "Only?", he replayed?  I felt, if I give him my mind, I give him everything. What can I give him more? I was ashamed that that was all I can give...he was waiting...than I said: "I give you my heart.  "Only?" he said,  ..."my body and soul" I started to repeat some sentences from the prayer only to satisfy him...ok now he was satisfied! He hugged me again and I was somehow feeling ashamed and confused and the presence of the girl in the room started to unsettle me, specially when I saw something strange going on...she started to lick his fingers!!!! What the f. is going on??? I was in shock. What? Hey, whats happening here? My heart became cold, in my mind red lamps started to blink as for the alarm. I was paralyzed! Swamiji said to me: "This is what you wanted, no? You always wanted this.  NO NO NO NOOOO the answer was screaming in me. I just couldnt believe this was really happening. And in the meantime the girl was pulling down my trousers!
Ah, I forgot to say, that this was my first sexual experience in my life. I was working on becoming a Swami and to finish the cycle of life and death in this lifetime: Sex was for me something that Saints are not doing, especially not my Swamiji!
He was on me with his big belly and I was paralyzed and in shock. God, what a disappointment! He asked me if I was a virgin and I said yes. In my head I was repeating on and on "You bastard, you old bastard! - He changed his mind to penetrate in me and pushed my head towards his penis instead and he said:  Drink it. I thought I would vomit. 

I came in contact with YIDL when I was 14. I started practicing and soon, after a year, I met Swamiji and got my Mantra initiation from him. I practiced my Sadhana with devotion four years when I first went to Jadan and I had this experience with Swami I described in my testimony.
I think it is important to emphasize that through these 5 years of Sadhana (dedicated Yoga Practice), my devotion and trust for my Guru had become absolute- he was to me like a spiritual father, a God-like, undoubtable authority. So, first time he pushed my head to his penis I did what he asked me to do because it was out of question to have my own opinion about it- we were systematically instructed to obey Gurus commands with no objection. I was at the same time in deep fear and still convinced my guru loves me and he knows better what is good for me though I felt like vomiting and crying each time. This is the same feeling a daughter has, when abused in an incest relationship with her father.
This happened not just once but 3 times altogether while I was for a month in Jadan.  He didn't make me do it each day cause he had lots of other girls to try. He knew I was sick, and I was even crying while doing it the second time but he didnt care.
In the next two years it happened again few more times, I tried to talk about it with other devotees but two girls I knew that had the sex with him made me believe that it has spiritual meaning, that he is Lord Krishna and we are gopies etc - as they obviously enjoyed it cause they were in love with him and they still are and live with him in his ashram in Vienna.
When I started seeing one boyfriend, Swamiji was jelaous and he obviously didnt like the idea of sharing me with other men so he left me alone.  After that I remained still in YIDL (Yoga in Daily Life) for years, but I lost all my interest for meditation and for practicing and I became very depressive.  I never had courage to speak out, and he always found a way to stop me from talking, even if I told something to anyone I was proclaimed crazy and sick person.
But now it is over. Other abused women are speaking out and soon it will be obvious that the level of abuse is huge. I know it is hard to believe and I don't judge anyone that doesnt, I just hope people will realize and get free from this spiritual vampirism.



devotee2



I came to Swamiji at the age of 18. I was attracted to his books and the wisdom of yoga on which they spoke. I was very keen to make progress on the spiritual path, to purify enough so that my inner mirror could clearly reflect God. I was instructed that my soul is surrounded by layers of dirt and that with hard work, slowly and persistently, and by fighting against my own wishes, feelings, mind, ego and the body, this dirty layer over my soul could clear up: With regular Sadhana, (Yoga Practice) and the leadership of the Enlightened teacher. I was taught that Im in the prison of Samsara, from which only a Gurus grace can deliver me. I have been training regularly, absorbing the teachings that I received, like a sponge. Then I met Swamiji Paramahansa Maheshwarananda (he had only three names at that time) in a semi-dark room. He was dressed in an orange robe and engulfed with the smell of burning incense sticks.  A veil of mysticism surrounded the scene, and the power of love of the present students was strong:  They were bowing down to him and touching his feet. I did not like it at all, but I was immediately instructed that by bowing down at him with adoration and tapping his feet, we would clean our karma and discipline our ego. 
I took the mantra, passed the initiation and I became one of the disciples. 
For a year I repeated my Guru Mantra with great commitment, I also attended the seminars and Satsangs, spending all the money I earned on travel and participation in the Guru programs.  Several times Swami Maheshwarananda noticed me and asked me a few questions. At Satsangs we listened to recorded lectures and meditated to Gurugita, which constantly repeated that there is nothing higher than the Guru and that everything has to be submitted to the guru: Your body, mind, heart and soul. 
After about a year, at a seminar in Hungary I got the call to sneak out at night, after the completion of the program, and to come secretly with several young girlfriends to Swami Maheshwaranandas room. 
He lined us up, commanded us to take off the clothes, to sit on the floor facing the wall and to meditate. We all obeyed without objection. Then he invited us, one by one to his bed.  
I was so scared and I tried to calm myself by the repetition of the mantra. When it was my turn he asked me whether I was a virgin. I was. He touched me everywhere, and he wanted me to touch him, he took my own hand and he touched himself and in the end he pushed my head down toward his penis and held me like that until I opened my mouth ... 
Then he invited us all together to stimulate him, and he requested that we touch each other. At the end he ejaculated into the mouth of one of the girls and he called it Prashad (Holy, blessed food). 
I have no idea how I managed to get to my room since I was in a state of shock, as well as a few days after that. I tried to explain to myself that this is Guru's Grace and that it is for our spiritual progress, and a test of commitment as well as faith. We (girls) were allowed to talk only to each other, and we cheered each other, as we knew, we had to endure this test and to stay on the path we chose. We had to promise that we would not tell anybody else. 
He called us few more times during this seminar, with a similar scenario. 
Years followed, in which similar stories occurred in different places. Sometimes I was alone with him, sometimes in pair with some other girlfriend, or with more of them. Since I was still a virgin, he said he would take my virginity when I surrender to him completely and move to Vienna for good, what he was asking me to do. 
So in all seven years that it lasted there was no penetration, but only oral with the ingestion of his Prashad, which always provoked nausea and an urge to vomit. I never asked for a meeting, I was always invited, never enjoyed even one moment; I experienced it as a tapas (penance): The kind of torture, which flushes karma and improves our spiritual progress. But I never felt any spiritual blessings/energy, I never saw the light, nor had any uplifting spiritual experience during or after these encounters, although Swamiji sometimes said that he had given me the Shakti Pat. I thought I was spiritually so low developed that I wasnt able to feel a thing. The whole time I fought with a sense of disgust, humiliation, and with a bunch of bad thoughts about Swami Maheshwarananda.  The older students whom I contacted for help said that those thoughts and emotions are a reflection of my impurities and low levels of spiritual development, and that I should clean up and resolve them, because any negative thoughts about the Guru create bad karma. 
He is clean, sinless and perfect, and everything that happens is only his divine play, Lila, which teaches us, reveals our weaknesses and imperfections that we should resolve to finally become worthy of spiritual progress. 
But with all this torture, and the service to Guru, to which I had dedicated my body, my work and all of my time; the vows I took because he requested; regular Sadhana; dedicated study; and participation in many, many satsangs and seminars, I felt that in fact I was moving away from God and from myself, from my common sense and my soul. Also, though I was at a young age, throughout the time spent on the road with Swami I suffered from severe, prolonged and very painful illnesses. But Swamiji was often insulting me, publicly humiliating me and even battering me.  I was interpreting it all as the lessons about the breaking of the ego, taking over the karma, tests of devotion to guru, to a spiritual path and to God. 
I couldnt bear it anymore and I decided to leave. All disciples and friends assured me that this is impossible, that the relationship with the Guru is forever, that I was creating awful karma for myself, and that my spiritual path and development would be lost for a long time. I didnt have any other friends outside of Yoga in Daily Life,  since I was instructed to only socialize with my Guru brothers and sisters, because only that is right and good for my spiritual path. 
I have never regretted that I left, I am alive and healthy, I love my life, I love God and I try to serve him in every way that I can. 
It was extremely difficult for me to write this testimony; after the years of silence spent in fear that I would be declared crazy if I spoke about my experience.  (My Ex-Yoga Brothers and Sisters tried to give me a "friendly" caution and warning).  At least I hope it will help someone who is in a similar situation right now.

Hi, I am devotee n2, I just wanted to tell you that I am a real person, I am existing.
I was a disciple of Swami Maheshwarananda for a long time.
I can understand that it is hard to belive in all what I said  in my testimony.
But I I was honest , i was  telling the truth and I am telling it right now
I hope that with  this I did  I will help at least someone else not to experience the same what I experienced with swamiji.





DEVOTEE3

It happened more than ten years ago in Jadan ashram in India. After the evening satsang three girls stayed alone with Swamiji in his top roof apartment in white house. Two of us were invited to massage his holly feet, and I was one of them. Never before I had a chance to do it, but I knew that it was a big thing to touch and massage the lotus feet of your guru. 
At that time I was thinking how lucky I was and that I should be really grateful to him for this opportunity. After some time he became tired and he moved from a chair to a comfortable king size bed. 
He invited us to be closer to him and at the beginning we were sitting on the flour beside the bed. Then he asked us if we were clean and if we had clean clothes on ourselves in order to sit on his bed and not to make it dirty. And of course none of us felt clean enough for his holy bed.
Then he ordered us to take off the clothes and to join him on the bed. At that moment, I did not know what was going to happen, but evidently the other two girls knew. They immediately took off their clothes and started to touch him and satisfy him... 
I have also taken off my clothes, but I did not want to cooperate in this game. He was grabbing my breasts and squeezing them strongly and I had an awful pain... then, at one moment I had it enough and I moved down from the bed to sit a few meters away. 
I sat there alone and completely confused and could not understand what was going on. I could hear his breath and sounds of contentment and it was clear that he did not care for the state of my mind and that he cared for his pleasure only.
Even though I was still participating in seminars and visiting India after this night for few years he did not call me or try to abuse me ever again.

But I knew for many other girls that had similar experiences with him. Some of them have spoken out about their sexual abuses, but they were proclaimed for mentally ill or crazy. 
Some of them are still believers of YIDL and some have retreated. 

I did not talk about this experience with anyone for more than 10 years. Swamiji asked me not to talk and I was afraid that something bad would happen to me if I talked about that. 
At the beginning I was also thinking that maybe I was not enough spiritually developed to understand it and I kept on practicing yoga and my sadhana. Slowly slowly I have digested it and realized that he is not the guru who I am longing for and that majority of the girls are victims.

















DEVOTEE4
I was swami Maheshwaranandas disciple for nearly 20 years. I was a teacher of YIDL. I took care of one of the yoga centers for some years.  Till that night I am going to describe I had completely believed him. I was so happy, that I had found a spiritual path. I have been working for it every free minute I had.
It has changed with my experience with swami Maheshwarananda, which happened 15 years ago.
He came after me in ashram before satsang and ask me, how am I. I admitted I have problems with my studies at the university. He told me we can discuss this later and he invited me to come after the satsang to the flat, where he was living during his stay in our town.
After the satsang we were cleaning the ashram and than somebody took me by car to that flat.
In the flat was just one older lady who I know very well and swamiji. He was in the bedroom.
Swamiji called me to come after him. There was just the dim light in the room and air was full of fragrances from agarbatis (incense sticks). Swamiji asked me to come closer; I decided to sit on the carpet.  He asked me to come closer once and once again, and then he ordered me to put my T-shirt and bra down and to lay on him. I did it, completely confused. Older lady came in the room, she brought something. I was feeling very unpleasant but she didnt seem to me surprised at all. Swamiji was staring in my eyes for a long time. I did the same and I was thinking what kind of test is it. Upper half of his body was naked and he asked me to recharge my heart from his. Suddenly he put his hand in my panties and his finger in my vagina and was trying to sexually excite me. I was in a shock. I think he felt my disagreement in a first moment he did it, because he tried to convince me with these words: This is a divine bliss, ananda.  I argued that it is not. He repeated the same phrase with divine bliss and I insisted on my no, it is not. He pulled back his hand and asked me to get dressed. He came after me to hall and ordered me not to tell anybody what had happened there.  Then he asked me if my confidence towards him was bigger, I knew what he had wanted to hear and even though I didnt want to, I said YES. I dont remember how I got home; I just remember my completely confused feelings.
I have been trying to explain what he had done for so many years. Maybe he did it to burn my bad karmas. Maybe he did it because of my bad sexual experience with my previous partner and wanted to help me. Maybe he tested my devotion  what I was able to give, to surrender. But deep in my heart I knew from the first moment; these are only apologies for him. I was afraid to loose my guru, my belief, and my confidence.
When I tried to speak to someone from yoga about it, for everybody it was a blessing or swami Maheshwarananda was testing my confidence, even how I was blessed, that he has such a confidence in me, that he can do something like this to me , that he really had trust in me.
I know two another ladies from YIDL who had a sex experiences with him, one voluntary, one involuntary, but they didnt want to speak about it with me.
In next 15 years I started to cut slowly slowly this bond towards swamiji and YIDL. 
In coming years swamiji was trying to give me 3 different tasks in different  towns in one moment  impossible to fulfill these tasks in one body I didnt take even one.
During that intercourse he had told me, that he is the only man for me in this universe  but later I got married to a wonderful man and we live happily for more than 10 years now.
He told us to postpone our marriage  but we decided to marry exactly the time, when we wanted to.
But it took me 15 years to cut that bond completely. To say to myself honestly: My guru abused me, he misused my confidence.  I quit, I finish. And the fact is, I allowed him to do it, because I allowed him to suppress my healthy mind and my sensitivity towards myself. But now it is over. Sincerity towards myself has liberated me. Now I am once more myself, I feel complete.
Maybe, you have these questions... Did I say  NO, directly to him ? NO, I didnt. Why? I was shocked and after it I was looking for some spiritual reason, why he is doing it. Am I angry that he had a sex with young women? No, I dont mind at all that he had a sex with his disciples, I mind he pretend he didn't and I mind the manipulation of trust that he uses to get them into his bed. That means for me to lie. Why I published it now, do I want to destroy and deny his work and the benefits of yoga practice? Not at all. What is true and real from YIDL, it will remain. But all his disciples deserve to know the truth. Also I feel I owe to these ladies, who were brave enough to publish their testimonies, to support them. They helped me a lot to do the final step. If my testimony will help at least one girl or woman to overcome her horrible experience or better to prevent it, my testimony will fulfill its purpose.
I know my experience is not  at all as horrible as those described in previous testimonies. Even though Ive had to fight with it for a really long time. Maybe some another woman had some similar one and tries to convince herself that what happened to her is completely explainable and spiritual and OK.. Listen to yourself and believe yourself  IT IS NOT.


LIFE AFTER YIDL

We belive in a guru-disciple relationship, but " His Holiness Vishwaguru Mahamandaleshwar Paramhans Sri Swami Maheshwarananda Puri of Panchayati Maha Nirvani Akhara" is not a genuine guru. He cheated upon his followers for years. He has had sexual intercourse with many of his close female disciples.
He has used his fatherlike gurus authority, and their childlike devotion and trust to sexualy abuse some of his most devoted (young) female students. 
But don't dispair. There is life after Yoga in Daily Life and after Swami Maheshwarananda. Don't be afraid to leave.
Don't be afraid to post your story here, we are a group of ex YIDL practicioners and Swamijis devotees and it took time and courage and strength to come out with the truth. But now we are a growing group, stronger each day. You can't even immagine the true dimensions of the abuses that happened over the years. 
Join us with your story, your identitiy shall be protected and you can participate the way you feel comfortable. 
There's absolutely no truth in ideas that Chidanand stands behind this site-we came in contact with him later, and it was a lucky coincidence for us to have his and all other ex-YIDL devotees support.









isvar puri:


Kao bivši Svamiđijev učenik iz Zagreba osjećam potrebu da kažem par riječi. Stariji će me se s JUSŽ zasigurno sjećati po nicku. Na žalost optužbe su protiv Svamiđija istinite, osobno sam se 1999. prvi puta sreo sa ženskom osobom, bliskom i dugogodišnjom Svamiđijevom učenicom, koja je opetovano imala oralni sex sa Svamiđijem. Ista je osoba i dan danas vjerni posvećenik i ja se moram držati obećanja da joj ne otkrijem identitet. Poslije sam potiho (kako sam i objasnio Govind puriju danas) istraživao što se događa i čuo još niz svedočanstava iz prve i druge ruke koja su nedvojbeno bila autentična. Uz to sam i sam bio u prilici biti blizu Svamiđija (kao karma yogi u Jadanu i na drugim mjestima) i uvjeriti se u njegovu očitu sadističku narav u privatnim kontaktima. Koja se ipak često mješala s velikim šarmom i inteligencijom. Ne radi se ni o kakvoj orkestraciji, napadima, urotama. Na žalost radi se o tome da Svamiđi MORA odgovarati za svoja zla djela.

As a former student of Swamiji from Zagreb, I feel the need to say a few words. The older among disciples in the JUSŽ certainly remember the nick. Unfortunately, the charges against Swami are true. In 1999. I personally met with a female person, a close and longtime disciple of Swamiji, who had repeatedly had oral sex with Swamiji. The same person is still a faithful devotee and I have to keep promises not to reveal her identity. After that I explored quietly (as I explained Govind Puri today)  what was happening and heard  from a number of first-and second-hand testimonies that was unquestionably authentic. In addition, I've had the opportunity to be close to Swamiji (as karma yoga, in Jadan and other places) and make sure of his apparent sadistic nature in private contacts. What is still often mixed with great charm and intelligence. This is not any kind of orchestration, attacks, conspiracies. Unfortunately it is a fact that Swamiji has to answer for his evil deeds.


KOPER GROUP


Dear Swamiji.
It is your disciples from Koper, writing to you, as a response to what we have heard these last days happening in YIDL and online.
Some of us have been your disciples for 20 years, now. We have never suspected such things were going on in your bedroom. But since it happenned to one of us, with our yoga instructor, when she began joga in daily life, it is no surprise at all, that you also have the same attitude towards women. As an enlightenned guru, you should have known, what was going on and how your yoga teachers behave. And as far as we know, it did not happen only in Koper, but in other yoga centers, too. 
What our dear  friend told us, sounds like abuse. She said you have introduced her into sexual activity with you, and she was a virgin at the time. So you were her first sexual experience. No doubt, she must have been frightenned, she did not dare to say NO to her guru. Probably most of us vould not have dared to say no! 
It is actually in guru Gita that we have all been brainwashed, not to say no to a guru, never to abandon a guru, and even not to dare to doubt he is 100% right. 
So, we are terribly disappointed by your misbehavior, no word could describe the shock we have experienced, when the news hit us. And we did not need to find out online about it, because we had a direct personal conversation with our friend. Some of us heard it form other women, too. And we know they don't lie. 
More and more evidence is comming to surface in these days.
We learned form yoga, that we should protect Dharma, and Dharma will protect us. One thing we know for sure is, that we have to speak the truth. So, we are not Chidanand's followers as some wanted to persuade us and all the people to whom they wrote their letters. 
It is because we belive our friend's and some other women's words, that we decided to abandon the YIDL organization. It is not our intention to destroy your work or the YIDL Sistem. Although, after what we learned now, some of us are really ashamed to have been part of it for so long. Had we known before, we certainly wouldn't  have joined such an organization. 
Dejan Dinevski  tried so eagerly to persuade some of us, that we are shizofrenic. But, you can not blame 8 people or more, to be shizofrenic. I bet the media would not buy that argument. 
We demand of you to publicly appologize to all the woman you have  seduced into sexual activity under the guise of being their guru.  This attitude does not grant self-realization. Many women sufferred from terrible trauma because of what you have done to them.  
And we demand of you, to answer the question of a mother, that wrote to you: 
 As your student, Maja Bavdaz Gross, and mother of one of the girls, whose testimonies appeared on the web page http://www.swamiji-maheshwarananda-abuse.com/
I have a simple question for You,  and I expect a simple PUBLIC answer from You in person,  with YES or NO:
Are the reports  concerning  You,  from your young female  devotees on the web page  http://www.swamiji-maheshwarananda-abuse.com/  , TRUE? Answer: YES or NO.
Hari Om, Peace is our way and the Truth is the way to Peace. Maja Bavdaz Gross, Koper, Slovenia
We also demand of you to answer this simple question: 
Have you had sex with your female disciples? Yes or No.
In the name of MahaprabhuDip! Answer this question: Have you had sex with your female disciples? 
We wont stop asking you. After 20 years dedicated to Yoga in Daily Life and to following you as our guru, the least we expect is a truthful, honest answer. 
That's all from us. We are not ashamed to ask you. We demand your personal answer! Our e-mail address is: [email protected]
With devotion to God and to the Truth that can not be hidden for long. Your ex-devoties from Koper. 
AlenkaKranjac, DeanFelda-FatePuri, Gordana, HiraPuri, JayaDevi, Marko&MiriamSmrdelj, MiranMolk, 


ROMAN PETERKA

Dear friends,

My name is Roman Peterka and I used to be one of Maheshwaranandas swamis from 1994  2001 (Swami Rameshwarananda). I am originally from Czech Republic (Czechoslovakia) but lot of you had known me from my times in Austria and the US where I worked on establishing first real YIDL organization and ashram there. In 2001 after Kumbha Mela I left YIDL, swamihood and all my connections to the organization and since then Ive never looked back and lived just normal everyday life. The hardest think for me when I left was to cut ties with all my friends I had for all those 15 years I was part of the organization. Somehow I got used to it and went on with my life leaving also my friends behind and had no intention to talk about YIDL anymore. One of the reasons was (actually the main one) that Maheshwarananda manipulated my departure in such a way that I was the one whose fault was everything (he is burned out, confused by young woman and lost his way but we thank him for all those years of his hard work, kind of thing). It was very difficult to talk to any disciples because of their mystical stare in their eyes which was saying: You poor thing and such a great yogi you used to be. It gets really tiring after while. But when after ten years two friends from past called me and told me about this scandal I got very upset, sickened and angry. Ive decided to say few words.

I never knew about any sexual abuses. Over the time Ive heard some rumors that Maheshwarananda sleeps with some of his female disciples but again I did not know it first hand, did not hear any solid evidence. But now I can understand why many times in India I would encounter some young females sitting on the side with empty stare in their eyes and when you tried to talk to them they would not be really coherent, just so terrifyingly quiet. My hart goes out to them all as I say: I am sorry, thousand and thousand times sorry for what you had to go through. I hope you are strong now and can recover from it. You are strong and all blessings you need is your own greatness. Nobody else can give you that.

As I understand, there must have been some people who were accomplices in this sick game. We all were brainwashed by Gurus mastermind of deceit and deception so it is not so easy to judge. But one thing I want to say to them: If you helped organizing or participated in the sexual encounters willingly face yourself and do the only right thing to do. Speak up! Save many others in future. Not just from Maheshwarananda. He is getting old, ill and his little dingy wont be able to do much with or without blue pills anyway but also from any other guru and power hungry, greedy, charismatic figure. Also for your own self-worthiness. If you dont do it, go to hell.

Why did I leave then if I did not know about all of this? As those, who had been around for decades, know very well, things at YIDL have changed quite a bit. Why? Because we really did not understand that this Indian auto mechanic smart as a fox had a great plan how to come out of misfortune of his predestined Indian future into greatness of riches and power. He came to West, which was where I am now still East and saw a great opportunity to use all his charm and suck us out of our money, which we did not have much in communism, but many rivers lead to the ocean, remember that one? He also saw the opportunity in manipulating minds being prepared for brainwashing by communist regimes. Thats why he was always saying that he liked the East Europeans more than Westerners. So we got caught on the hook of a great guru and saint and this entire BS. He started slow, he had a plan. We were kind of delayed hippies and New Agers and he was giving us love and understanding because he knew that the day will come and we will make him a king of the world. He was building up infrastructure for his future as maharaja. I lived in communist Czechoslovakia being beaten up many times by police and having hard time to live as many others in suppression so I left the underground anti-regime movement for freedom movement of myself with this great guru. I gave it more than 15 years of my life. I am not blaming Maheshwarananda for my decisions. I know that I have to eat what Ive cooked for myself. I am not blaming Maheshwarananda for times when I saw wrong and did not speak up enough. I am blaming myself for shutting up, trying to be good and faithful disciple. I am not blaming him for manipulating my mind in such skillful way that I myself was suppressing my clear judgment of reality. Ive seen bags of cash peddling from one venue to another buying power, titles, houses and disciples credit cards (including mine) being charged for any inconceivable stupid thing you could find in electronics and other stores. Ive seen his power and acknowledgement hunger at the UN Millennium conference when he tried to sneak on the podium where nobody wanted him and was driving all of us who were there to serve him crazy by his insanity. This was in Summer 2000 and after we came back to Virginia I knew I was going to leave. I was depressed, angry with myself and I hated my guru. At least something to work with. First real reality in fifteen or so years. Time to stop blaming myself began.
At the end of 2000 we went to Kumbha Mela. I did not want to go, did not plan to go, but guru have said I should go so I went. It was the most disgusting trip of my life. Seeing all those Akhara bozo-gurus and him with them, their arrogance, greediness, perversion and stupidity has made me walking zombie. Every night I tried to cry it out by singing strange songs in a language I did not understand and words which I did understand I did not believe in. Sometimes, when there was nobody too close around me during prayer to hear me, I would substitute the words with words of Czech kids song Skakal pes pres oves pres zelenou louku (Dog was hopping over barley, over green meadow) just to keep myself sane. 

When we got back, I called Maheshwarananda to India that I am leaving. He brushed me off that he has to go somewhere and we would speak later. He did not call back and I could not get hold of him fore more than two weeks. Finally I got him by leaving him a message that I am walking out if he does not call. To understand the American ashram situation at that time you need to know that everything was depending on my participation. We had just bought new building and people gave tens of thousands of dollars to the ashram because of my personal involvement. Most of them even did not know Maheshwarananda. Ashram was paying mortgage to the bank and some people gave their financial guarantees. If I had walked out lot of complicated things could happen. He called me next day. But he refused to accept that I was leaving. Told me to take vacation to recharge and other BS. He had delayed my departure for 3 months. I could have walk out, but my best years of hard and honest work were there and I did not want it just to go to hell. So I left him within myself. I was not swami anymore and I ran ashram for the intermediate period while making it impossible for him to either sell the building and pocket the profit (which he was actually contemplating right after we bought the building) or not to fulfill all other financial commitments. Thanks to help of some people we succeeded. It did enable him to smear me with accusations that I wanted the building for myself, profit from the ashram etc. It looks like the situation repeats itself on the other side of the ocean in Novi Sad, Serbia. Once I stopped being swami, my personal life became my private life and the accusations about me leaving YIDL because of a younger woman are nonsense. I was celibate the whole time I was the swami not like him and the bozo-gurus in Akhara.

It is important to understand one thing. Even if he did not use physical power to overcome those young women, he is still guilty of overpowering them by his brainwashing. I still consider it a rape. I hope that some court, after those brave ones press charges, will agree.

And this is for Maheshwarananda and anybody else concerned: Remember, even if you are seated on a throne you are still sitting on your own dirty ass.


Roman Peterka
Carpenter
Alexandria, VA, USA




NOVI SAD

Hello friends on this board! 

Greetings to you who do not participate directly in the debate but only read. I know that there are many  from all ex-Yugoslavia. 

To tell the truth, I will join the discussion because I notice that on this forum appears increasingly inaccurate, distorted and sometimes openly malicious information. 
I live in Novi Sad and I was Swamijis student for almost 25 years. 
I was a direct witness and participant in the events around the YIDL  association in NS in the past month. Therefore, I whish to give you the insight into some of the facts relevant to this whole situation: 

- It is true that the vast majority of students in NS distanced itself from yidl, and this also goes for other centers in Serbia. 

- It is not true that any "team" headed by Chidanand (Čići) usurped anyone's property. On the contrary, Chidanand has  completely publicly and with utterly clear attitude resigned from yidl. His yoga classes were taken over by other instructors. He has canceled all seminars in Europe, which practically means that he  self-consciously quashed any source of income from yidl. 

- Chidanand has not asked from anyone ever, to leave Swamiji or anything of the sort. He has clearly stated his reasons why he has left the yidl. For five hours he was answering all the questions people had to ask him. Some of the questions were very uncomfortable and concerned things from his most intimate private life. Some questions were purely violence against the individual. He answered all the questions in front of  us . 

- We had a full week to settle down the impressions of that meeting. The result was  that at the last joint satsang, without the presence of Slobodan, the vast majority of us voted to distance ourselves from the YIDL association Swamijijevih and procedures in connection with the sexual abuse of female students. 

- Ownership of the yoga center building in NS and legal/property relations are completely nonsense issue, irrelevant to this story. 

It is difficult to tell in a few sentences anything relevant to such a complex topic with so many upset minds and and heated emotions. On the way to the truth we are mostly ourselves the biggest obstacle , as can be seen from many posts on the forum. 
May God help us all.
( published with the permission of the author/name and identity known to redaction)

Pozdrav prijateljima sa foruma!

Pozdrav i vama koji ne ucestvujete direktno u raspravi vec samo citate. Znam da vas ima jako puno sa svih ex-yu prostora.

Istine radi, pridruzicu se vasoj diskusiji jer primecujem da se na ovom forumu pojavljuje sve vise netacnih, iskrivljenih i ponekad otvoreno zlonamernih informacija.
Zivim u Novom Sadu i Swamijijev sam ucenik vec skoro 25 godina. 
Direktan sam svedok i ucesnik dogadjaja oko udruzenja yidl u NS u poslednjih mesec dana. Stoga bih vam pruzio na uvid neke od cinjenica bitnih za citavu ovu situaciju:

- Tacno je da se ogromna vecina ucenika u NS distancirala od yidl, a to vazi i za ostale centre u Srbiji.

- Nije istina da je bilo kakva "ekipa" na celu s Cicijem uzurpirala bilo ciju imovinu. Naprotiv, Slobodan je potpuno javno i sa krajnje jasnim stavom istupio iz yidl. Njegove joga casove preuzeli su drugi instruktori. Otkazao je i sve seminare po Evropi, sto prakticno znaci da je svesno sebi ukinuo svaki izvor prihoda od yidl.

- Slobodan ni od koga ni u jednom trenutku nije trazio da napusti Swamijija niti bilo sta slicno. Jasno je izneo svoje razloge zasto on napusta yidl. Ljudima je punih pet sati odgovarao na sva pitanja koja su imali da mu postave. Neka od pitanja su bila krajnje neprijatna i ticala se stvari iz njegovog najintimnijeg privatnog zivota. Neka pitanja su bila cisto nasilje nad pojedincem. Odgovorio je na sva pitanja pred svima nama.

- Imali smo punih nedelju dana da sredimo utiske sa tog sastanka. Rezultat tog procesa je da smo na poslednjem zajednickom satsangu, bez prisustva Slobodana, ogromnom vecinom izglasali da se distanciramo od udruzenja yidl i Swamijijevih postupaka u vezi sa seksualnom zloupotrebom ucenica. 

- Vlasnistvo nad zgradom joga centra u NS i imovinsko-pravni odnosi su potpuno promasena tema, nebitna za ovu pricu. 

Tesko je u nekoliko recenica reci bilo sta relevantno na ovako kompleksnu temu uz toliko uzavrelih umova i podignutih emocija. Na putu do istine uglavnom smo sami sebi najveca prepreka sto se vidi iz mnogih komentara na forumu. 
Neka nam je svima Bog u pomoci.
(objavljeno s dopuštenjem autora/ identitet poznat urednistvu)




AUSTRALIA

I am an Australian teacher, or should I say ex- teacher, and while I have no direct knowledge of abuse, I wish to inform you of what is unfolding in Australia.

At present the Australian Association of YIDL is in a state of turmoil and upheaval. A number of credible witnesses who lived in Jadan for a number of years have come forward to tell of witnessing and supporting traumatised women in Jadan. Some teachers have spoken in person to abused women from Europe.

We are all in a state of shock and distress. The Australian Association is undertaking a two week period of enquiry calling for information from witnesses. Sydney, Dungog and Brisbane have convinced Maheshwarananda that he is not welcome to visit our centres when he arrives in Australia today, we do not intend to have any contact with him. There are others who are more naive and perhaps more easily manipulated who will still host him at Melbourne, Sunshine Coast and Gold Coast in Queensland.

Many of us now believe these horrendous stories and allegations are true and do not want anything more to do with Maheshwarananda or the International Fellowship. There has already been some serious bullying tactics and manipulation happening with attacks from individuals in Europe on Australian organisers and teachers. Swami Jasrajpuri has suddenly arrived in Sydney to 'support' us - here to wipe our tears so to speak, but I wonder who will wipe the tears of the women who have been so grievously hurt?

Personally I would like to send my love and support to women and ex-YIDl members, all of whom are suffering. I hope and pray that you are getting the love and support you need to heal from family and friends.

Please don't publish my name.

croatian devotee (no english)

Evo me, jedna sam od onih koje mogu potvrditi priču iz prve ruke. Hrvatica sam, Zagrepčanka, i samim nickom priznajem, kokoš jedna. Koja je ipak na kraju pobjegla iz kokošinjca i shvatila da joj tamo nije mjesto. 
Neću i ne mogu prijaviti Swamijija, niti ga optužujem za nešto što bi se po zakonima naše zemlje moglo smatrati kaznenim djelom. Naravno, ne mogu dokazati ni jednu svoju tvrdnju. Nisam sa sobom nosila kameru,ni diktafon, a ljudi koji su bili prisutni kad su se stvari događale i dalje su Swamijijevi sljedbenici i sami su mi rekli da će u slučaju da ih se prozove lažno svjedočiti da zaštite svog gurua. Razumijem ih, jer i sama sam u jednom periodu svog života bila spremna dati sve za njega, čak i život...
Bila sam duboko uvjerena da je on Bog sam... 
Nije me prisiljavao na ništa, nisu me vezali ni vukli u njegovu sobu, u njegov krevet. Sama sam došla kad bi me zvao, sama sam se skidala kad je tako naredio i radila sve što je poželio, bez riječi prigovora. Bilo mi je odvratno, ali smatrala sam to dijelom duhovnog puta i guru seve (služenju gurua), lomljenjem ega, čišćenjem, a ponekad i božjom milošću kojom se ubrzava moj duhovni napredak. Bar sam se pokušavala uvjeriti u to i potvrditi to još revnijim proučavanjem i primjenjivanjem Swamijijevog učenja. Dobrovoljno sam slijedila njegovo učenje, dolazila na Satsange i pokušavala , prilično uspješno, do najmanjeg detalja svoj život oblikovati prema njegovim uputama istovremeno potiskujući sve ono što se u meni bunilo protiv toga. S poštovanjem sam slušala i gledala i starije učenike i učenice , oni su mi, iz moje tadašnje perspektive izgledali mudriji, iskusniji i pametniji. Bili su mi oslonac i primjer u čestim napadima sumnji i unutrašnje želje da pobjegnem.
Bila sam dio užeg kruga učenika s kojima je radio po principu na koji Indijci jedu zreli mango. Izgnječe ga , probuše rupicu i popiju. Tako i on, često je govorio kad je samo uži krug bliskih mu učenika bio prisutan, gnječi sve ono što nam smeta na putu do konačnog oslobođenja. Obično bi priču popratio i demonstarcijom. Također nam je vrlo često pričao priče o vjernim učenicima i svim strašnim iskustvima koje su morali proći da bi dokazali vjernost guruu i zavrijedili njegovu milost. Ono što sam prolazila, na sreću, nije ni izdaleka bilo tako strašno kao sadržaj tih priča.
Nisam bila drogirana, osim možda željom za prosvjetljenjem i ljubavlju prema Bogu. Ali moja podsvjest bila je sasvim lijepo programirana, doduše postupkom na koji sam dobrovoljno pristala. Dolazila sam na sve satsange, pa i na one za puni mjesec na kojima sam zajedno s ostalima u meditativnom stanju slušala riječi Guru gite koje ni dan danas ne mogu zaboraviti, a koje gurua stavljaju na mjesto iznad samoga Boga. Pjevala sam pjesme u kojima sam sve što imam predavala guruu, bespogovorno davala zavjete koje je tražio da dajem, satima ponavljala mantru, čitala njegove knjige , slušala predavanja....
Bilo je jako teško otrgnuti se, neko vrijeme nakon odluke o odlasku još sam bila uvjerena da ću najvjerovatnije biti teško karmički kažnjena, možda čak i umrijeti zbog toga. 

Progovorila sam sada, jer sam tada kad sam otišla bila sama i nisam bila dovoljno jaka da pokušam upozoriti druge. Ne na to da Swamiji održava seksualne odnose, nego na to da ne govori istinu. A istina je važan dio učenja o kojem sam slušala i čitala i zbog kojeg sam uostalom i postala njegova učenica. Znam da djevojke koje su progovorile govore istinu i želim ih podržati, ne želim da ih proglase ludima, jer, sigurna sam, to nisu.
Ne želim razbijati organizaciju niti ikom naštetiti, ima puno ljudi koji znaju sve ovo i dalje izabiru slijediti Swamijija i biti njegovi bliski učenici. Poštujem njihovu odluku i mislim da i ostali imaju pravo na izbor.
Cijelo iskustvo pomoglo mi je da ojačami , ne mrzim Swamijija, ne želim mu se osvetiti, davno sam se prestala samosažaljevati i mučiti prošlošću. Još manje želim medijsku ili bilo kakvu drugu vrstu pozornosti, i zato ću ostati anonimna. I dan danas zahvaljujem Bogu na tome što sam uspjela otići. Izgradila sam nov, sasvim drugačiji život, život u kojem se veselim svakom danu , u kojem preuzimam odgovornost za sve što učinim, u kojem slušam sebe i svoje unutrašnje vodstvo, u kojem griješim, ali i radim puno dobrih stvari, u kojem mi je dozvoljeno govoriti i živjeti istinu. Sada obožavam samo Boga. On me obasipa ljubavlju i podrškom i ništa ne traži zauzvrat. Želim i dalje živjeti taj život, ne želim da mi sutra počnu zvoniti telefoni, da mi se prijeti, šalju upozoravajuće poruke i dolazi na vrata. Želim zaštiti svoju obitelj i prijatelje od svoje prošlosti kojom se uostalom nimalo ne ponosim, jer , kao što rekoh, bila sam kokoš...ili možda, da budem nježnija prema sebi...samo naivno pile


novi sad devoteee serbian


Pozdrav svima naleteo sam na ovu temu i posle citanja morao sam se prikljuciti da bih nesto pojasnio kao prvo da nebude zabune ucenik sam swamiđija 23 godine i iz novog sada sam. Nisam mogao verovati sa kolikom ostrascenoscu se vodi rasprava za i protiv swamidija i koliko ste svi zabrinuti za nas jadne i zavedene u novom sadu i gde cemo se okupljati,ko da je to bitno,abitno je da imamo mantru i boga pa napred,ali sto se tice yoga centra swamiji ga je poklonio jednoj ucenici pre mesec dana(sto smo kasnije saznali,zasto to samo on zna) i ona moze sa njim ciniti sto joj je volja.Cidanand je objavio da se povlaci iz sustava i tad je krenula lavina sto i kako i velika podeljenost medju ucenicima pa smo posle nekoliko dana imali sastanak i onda su isplivale i stvari oko zlostavljanja, sto je unelo jos vecu pometnju. Nakon toga je otisla delegacija u bec i direktno pitala swamidjija o optuzbama i odgovor vec znate. Na sledecem sastanku smo doneli odluku o istupanju iz Yidl i gasenju svih aktivnosti vezanih za to. Sto se tice cicija stvarno mi nije jasno zasto toliki napadi na njega sobzirom da je javno rekao da se potpuno povlaci i iz yoge i iz javnog zivota a da cemo se svi suociti sa svojim karmama nemojte misliti da ga nesto branim jer za to niti ima potrebe niti bi on to zeleo i to sto je napisao javno pismo je samo da pojasni neke stvari posle toliko napada na njega, i nerazumem kako mozete pomisliti da je hteo biti papa umesto pape sobzirom da je stariji od njega(swamidija) ali sve to je nebitno bitno je to da nas je swamiji slagao i da smo se sad nasli u teskoj situaciji posebno cure koje su ispastale i njima zelim sve najbolje i boziju milost kao i svu potporu i razumevanje svih prijatelja i brace i sestara. A sto se tice swamijija hvala mu na svemu onome lepom sto sam doziveo za sve ove godine a neka mu je bog na pomoci kad bude placao svoje karme pred bogom zato sto je umislio da je on bog.Nemojte tako ruzno napadat zrtve jer samo tako jos vise bacate ljagu na sve ono lepo sto ste ucili sve ove godine i time samo blatite i sveto ucenje yoge puno pozdrava i ljubavi iz vojvodine.

ja nisam bio licno ali ljudi koji su bili su jedni od najblizih ucenika a i od naj starijih swamiji je priznao i rekao da je imao odnose sa ucenicama i da je to njegova otvorena rana i da o tome nemoze vise govorit .posle tog razgovora je novi sad izasao iz yidl to su fakti a ako swamiji to sad opovrgava moze slobodno da se suoci sa njima bilo gde na bilo kom sudu pa i mahaprabudjievom.

meni je samo zao sto je nesto u cega sam toliko verovao i u cega sam ulozio tolike godine sad tako isprljano ali zivot ide dalje i dalje se privatno druzimo i vidjamo medjusobno vezbam mantru i molim se da sto manje bude povredjenih jer koliko vidim puno je tenzije sa obe strane a svima ce doc karma na naplatu.








                    

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